I'm sorry I've abandoned you, sweet child of my words.
I left to another place and I could not bring you along. There was no place for you there among the secrets and the shadows; they would have ruined you forever. So instead I chose to leave you behind, safely hidden in my past where you were born and have always been.
I promised I would return, and so I have, but it will take time to get back what we once had. The first promise I made to you was that I would never completely leave you behind, and I fully intend to keep that promise. However, I must fight many battles to fulfill that commitment, and sometimes I lose those battles. It will be a challenge to get beyond the way I left you.
After all, abandonment is no small sin.
Showing posts with label past. Show all posts
Showing posts with label past. Show all posts
Monday, March 12, 2012
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Remembering the Present
Have you ever zoned out by remembering the past? It could have been reliving a memory or just thinking about small pieces of past. When you finally wake up from that memory it seems as though you have jumped forward in time. Everything had just felt so real in your mind. There was nothing that set it apart from what is actually happening. Only when you wake up do you realize you had slipped into your memories.
What if everything you are experiencing now is just another of those memories? Your present self is actually years ahead, sitting frozen, staring into space. Others around you are wondering at your sudden silence, but you cannot hear what they say. Your mind is back in the past. It is just a matter of time before you wake up and go back to the present.
If what we feel now is just a memory, it shouldn't matter what we do now. It has all already happened, so the choices we make have already been made. The "future" is already decided from what we have already done. Nothing we do will change anything, because what we do has been factored into the true present time. We can just sit and watch our past selves make the choices that affect a later time.
It boggles my mind to think as if this were the truth. Everything would be easier if it was. The problems I feel would already be over and solved. But this is not the truth. I must continue affecting the future and trying to solve my problems.
Or perhaps, that is what I remember believing.
What if everything you are experiencing now is just another of those memories? Your present self is actually years ahead, sitting frozen, staring into space. Others around you are wondering at your sudden silence, but you cannot hear what they say. Your mind is back in the past. It is just a matter of time before you wake up and go back to the present.
If what we feel now is just a memory, it shouldn't matter what we do now. It has all already happened, so the choices we make have already been made. The "future" is already decided from what we have already done. Nothing we do will change anything, because what we do has been factored into the true present time. We can just sit and watch our past selves make the choices that affect a later time.
It boggles my mind to think as if this were the truth. Everything would be easier if it was. The problems I feel would already be over and solved. But this is not the truth. I must continue affecting the future and trying to solve my problems.
Or perhaps, that is what I remember believing.
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